Murderblog

I promised myself that I wouldn’t write another political blog until after the election, but then I remembered that I’m not good at keeping promises to myself which is probably why I still smoke.

Anyway i was thinking about how John McCain and Sarah Palin are both cal themselves Mavericks. This made me think of Bret Maverick from the old TV show of the same name (hey I get a lot of use out of my Peter Griffen Television). This made me think, “Yes, John McCain would like to think of himself as a gambler on the Mississippi who beats the bad guys by using his brains and not his gun.”

But then I started thinking and it made me think of another use of Maverick.

Wild Card Bitches

Out of sheer boredom I’ve been playing around on Yahoo Answers. Hey it makes me feel smart when i can tell people how magnets work, why it’s not a good idea to run cars on water (yet), or how the electoral college works.

So after spending a few minutes on the science page I realize, “Wow these are some tough questions. Glad to see at least part of America isn’t really dumb.” Unfortueatly after a couple of more entries I realize what’s going on. To which I actually yell at the screne for some reason.

“Hey! these people aren’t interested in this stuff at all. They’re just trying to get me to do thier homework for them!”

College was so much harder 8 years ago.

Last year I did a rant on Comic Book movies. Now I figured I would rant on video games movies.

With the new Max Payne movie coming out (and the fact that I just saw the movie Postal), I was wondering why do these things get made? It’s not like adapting a book or a even a comic book. People don’t usually love a video game soley based on the plot. Usually its because, oh I don’t know they like playing the game. The fact that they can interact with it. Also the fact that games are becoming increasingly like movies I really don’t see the point.

But yet I still have a way that this could work. I think they should make movies based on really old video games that have virtually no plot. Think like Frogger, Q-bert, or Pitfall.

My vote goes for Time Pilot. Think about it. It practically writes itself. In the year 2059 is to be the time pilot.

“Sir, I’m concerned about your new ‘Time Pilot’ Programme.”

“Why”

“Maybe I just don’t understand what the point is. But according to what you’ve written here you started this to quote “Blow the shit out of people in the past”.”

“Yeah and?”

“Why?”

and so on. Can’t be anyworse than Super Mario Bros.

I know it’s been awhile but I been busy and shit. Plus I have trouble thinking of things to say here. Oh well.

With election time almost here and opinions are just about reaching their zenith I thought it was time to comment on one of the things that bothers me most about the American public. Voting is a sacred trust given to us by many that fought, died, and most importantly thought we deserved the decision to elect our own leaders. But I’ve come to the conclusion that there is one thing above all else that threatens the election process. As I give this as the example.

This Guy

Now with my libertarian views I believe that it is everyone’s freedom to say what they think. And while I find it OK to choose whomever you wish, I have a problem with this young man and the millions like him who represent a very large threat to our great country.

I’m speaking of course about the “Single Issue Voter”.

I find it vulgar that one would decide who they would like to lead them based entirely on one issue. Now if it’s voting against someone for a controversial plan such as ohh..”Enslave all Humanity” than I could understand. But to vote on something petty, especially if it’s something petty that they can not change like candidates that are Pro-Life (Sorry if you all for it but it’s not going to get overturned) than in my opinion that just makes you an idiot.

Honestly people, if you want to shout about “Freedom isn’t free” and “God Bless America” crap than at least take your responsibility seriously. If your not a Yellow Dog Democrat or Second Coming Republican (A stance I find equally as stupid) that weigh your options and choose based on all material these people have spent millions and millions of dollars trying to tell you.

It’s truly the dog days of summer now so I decide to have a cookout. Nothing like a little flame kissed food in a hot desert climate. So I light up the charcoals while I go to the store to get some grub to throw on. My grocery store is only about a half mile from my place and I figure I have about a good half hour to shop before the coals are hot enough to do anything with. So I admit I was in kind of a hurry. Which is why I bought this…

WOW! Five pounds of pre-made beef patties for only six bucks?!?! How could I go wrong? Well after I made a couple of burgers I notice as I’m eating one that it tastes a little….off. At first I thought that maybe it was an old box that got freezer burn and lost some of its flavor as a result. I then think, “Hmm, if that was the case shouldn’t the meat be dryer?”

The reason as I read on the side of the box is that the ingredients are (In order I might add) Beef, water, BEEF HEARTS, SOY FLOUR, salt, spices, dextrose, onion, spice extracts. For the love of god you can add Beef byproducts if you want but why god why add Beef Hearts? What was liver to expensive? Also if you need filler why add beef hearts AND soy flour. That’s like saying I’m going to water down this Scotch with Soda water and water down this soda water with regular water. Oh well, But as a bonus I found out they sponser this…

*Notice it’s not even a NASCAR, it’s a NAStruck?

Here’s the thing people in New Mexico are stupid. REALLY, REALLY stupid. As a matter of fact when a survey was taken of the dumbest state, depending on how it was defined New Mexico was #1. Now I’ve had a few times when I’ve thought, “wow these people are dumb”. Like the time they were giving away a trip to Hawaii at the local grocery store and everyone was wearing a lei. To which I say, “everybody doesn’t like something, but nobody doesn’t like a good Lei.” and nobody got the joke. As well as many others.

The pinnacle happened today however. I was at the local 7-11 and they had for sale one of these…

It’s a flashlight with no batteries. I think I had one as a kid. Except mine had a red LED because white LEDs hadn’t been invented yet. Now even if you have no idea how it works you MUST know it runs on electricity somehow. So I’m commenting to a friend of mine how it’s neat, teaches kids about basic electrical concepts and is kind of practical. To which the lady behind the counter says.

“What, is it solar powered.”

Maybe they just don’t think about things before they say them.

Well neat thing about the future there are all sorts of cool gizmos that people never thought possible 20 years ago. This week I got started on building the one this I have wanted for several years. Something that as far as I can tell is only owned by one other man. That thing is Peter Griffin’s Television. For you see he owns a magical television that seems to only play TV from the 80’s. Also it’s a console TV. This week I found this on the side of the road.

It a console TV from about 1979. It’s so old it uses SOUND for the remote control (which I do not have but I found you can make it change channels and fuck with the volume using a slinky). Well that takes care of only half of the problem. What the other half you may ask. Check online streaming video of fairly obscure 80’s show (plus a lot of other modern crap) at HULU. It’s got some of my favs like Simon & Simon, Married with children, The Fall Guy, The Incredible Hulk, plus stuff like ALF, Facts of Life, and One Day at a Time. The only bad thing is that it DOES have commercials but they’re only 30 seconds instead of 3 1/2 minutes.

I figure with this set becoming a sixty pound paperweight in 6 months due to the fucking FCC selling the American consumer out to make a quick buck, connecting it to my computer is the best thing I can do with this thing.

Ehh the only thing I need now it to get some old commercials off of youtube to watch in between shows.

You know I haven’t gone a good old fashioned rant in a GOOD long time so I thought it was time first off we have….

Of course I usually hate new things but I have a real reason not to like the “New” milk jugs being sold now. I now can’t drink milk straight from the jug. Now you may say “Dude, didn’t your parents teach you anything?”. Yes they did. They taught me one of the greatest things a person who is an adult and single can do is drink milk straight from the jug. Actually I believe it was my dad that said, “You can drink from the jug when you are an adult and have your own place.” Yet another thing I enjoy taken from me. Honestly I think we should go back to this… We don’t have to prove Gen Xers (I include myself here) are dumb. So milk sales might go up due entirely to “nostalgic” factor, and help find some kids. Also isn’t oil like $140 a barrel? Shouldn’t we we trying to get away from plastic and maybe something cheaper say oh I dunno, waxboard? Anyway just a thought, that’s all I’m saying..

But for listening to this rant you get this cool pic I took of a car accident on the edge of my block.

The fact that Gas, even adjusting for inflation, is the highest it’s ever been is affecting all of us. Despite this car makers the world over are still making cars only mid-sized. Let me show you an example….

the Toyota Prius. Probably the best car for gas mileage one can buy today. It gets 45 MPG maximum and puts out about 75 horsepower. Also it’s about $5000 more expensive than a Toyota Corolla which it’s closest non-hybrid relative that gets slightly worse gas Mileage.

the 1986 Suzuki Swift (AKA the Chevy Spirit both were sold in the U.S.). This car has about 70 horsepower and got anywhere from 55 to 60 MPG at it’s best. Also it was about $2000 CHEAPER than a similar compact car.

Now to be fair all cars are going to get a little worse gas mileage now since all gas sold now is 10% alcohol which doesn’t have as much energy. But it’s a loss of about 4-5% max. Doesn’t it seem right to use 20 year old tech to help in these tough times?

But I do find solace in fact that at least one company has the brains to use this idea. And come up with this…

this is the new redesigned 2008 Subaru Justy. In combined driving it gets 48MPG and is fairly cheap for a Subaru. Too bad it is only available in the U.K.

So I haven’t written in awhile and I thought what would be a better way to restart by telling the story of the wierdest most awesome thing I have seen lately. Namely that I went to go see legendary metal band DETHKLOK!!

Now I knew this show was going to be awesome if for no other reason than the fact that this was the line to get in…

Yes the line was actually a blockbuster that went longer than a full city block. The doors opened at 7 P.M. this picture was taken at 8:30. Second was signing this

DETHKLOK CONCERT

“PAIN WAIVER”

Standard Issue

As revised by Charles Foster Ofdensen

I, _________________________, do hereby waive all “life rights” including but not exclusive to the rights to breathe, see, move, et cetera upon the signing of this document.

Furthermore, I waive all rights of Legal Defense or Prosecution should I be burned, lacerated, eaten alive, poisoned, de-boned, crushed, or hammer-smashed.

I understand that there is in no way any financial compensation should I be completely killed, though I will be thanked for dying should this be a filmed event going straight to the DVD marketplace, but NOT if this is a filmed IMAX event (as credit space is limited).

Finally, I understand that should anything happen to me during this concert that causes mental or physical alarm to any of the members of DETHKLOK I will be held accountable legally and financially whether or not I am living or dead.

Finally, thank you for coming to see DETHKLOK live. We understand you have many METAL concert choices out there and they will all be crushed by DETHKLOK.

_________________________
Printed Name

_________________________
Signature

_________________________
Date

_________________________
Social Security #

_________________________
Bank Account, Credit card and PIN Number

Then this followed by watching an hour long music video with live music and a triple encore. The last of which was the fan song telling us how much they hate the audience. Now if only there had been more blood and death.

Anyway if you get a chance I highly recommend seeing the show.