SeanO’s Blog

Gotta love California… You wanna cross the OJ police chase with the awesomeness of Mike Tyson and you get Rampage Jackson!

So for those who don’t know the MMA fighter Quintian Rampage Jackson was arrested the other day and then picked up again… Now it looks like he’s in a psych ward. What I wanna know is if you are driving a monster truck on the highway with a life size picture of yourself and then plow it into cars while on a cell phone… Then get arrested… How you end up on the streets the next day… Obviously if your job is to hit people and get hit in the head… and are crazy enough to drive a jacked truck with your own picture all over it… wtf… you gotta be pretty awesome to do that… like Sgt Slaughter or something…

I guess at least he wasn’t high on crack cuz we all know what the CA police do if your high and black.. So luckily he is only crazy…

I love this show… This is way cooler than the stupid American copy with that hack Tobey whatever his name is…

So Saturday started like many others… waking up late and kicking some friends out of my house, and drag’n ass until I get some cold black coffee into my stomach… I was on a mission to visit some friends for a 30th birthday and then meet up with some friends in Beantown who I don’t see as much as i should…

So I hit the highway about 14:30 and am blaring Faith No More and Social Distortion tunes and totally rocking out… I’m sure as people drove by me they thought I was either having a full on Epileptic Sezure or the grandson of Joe Cocker… In any case… Rocking out at break neck speeds on the highway… windows down, moon roof open… aviator shades on… Me and the open road… so far so good… WRONG!!!!

I’m driving and all of a sudden a car flys up my ass… Now I’m going about 80+ and this jackass is on me like a fat kid on cake… So I speed up… I’m doing about 100 - 110 at this point then get in the middle lane so this jackass can pass me… The dude pulls up next to me and I look over and instead of seeing the typical middle finger or dirty look…. I see my buddy Jimmy C looking over at me like a goof ball waiving… My phone rings and he’s like… “hey dude, I’m glad it was you, cuz I was totally gonna drive up your ass”… Thanks buddy… So turns out were both on the MA pike at the same time… This is now the 3rd time me and Jim have done this… the other 2 times were in CT (Rt 91N and Rt 84)… Too funny…

So anyways… to the reason for this blog… Jim speeds off to see his old lady who’s coming off a 24 hour plus shift at the hospital so I figure he’s gonna try and get some before she goes into a coma… Which I would think would be fine cuz she’ll be really asleep and he can probably get some before she gets annoyed and removes his kidneys…

So I’m back to driving and rocking out a few minutes later… Open road… no traffic then a black Ford Ranger gets in front of me… and randomly jacks his breaks… I can’t see any reason for this so I assume he’s a dick head and fucking with me… I switch lanes and jump from 80 to 120 and blow by him… he’s a good distance in my rearview… “slowing down to warp factor 6 Mr Sulu” as to avoid the fuzz… So all of a sudden I glace at my rearview and see this truck flying up my ass… like I mean… almost touching my bumper, almost in my back seat… then break and fly back… then fast… an my ass again, then back… like he’s fuck driving me… Now I have no clue who this is… it’s a dude… and there was no lunch or dinner involved… so I’m not cool with this… I don’t wanna be fuck driven… I switch lanes then he does… then I switch back and slow down so he can pass me… figure if I’m behind him I’ll be safer… but I also wanted to throw something at him or at least flick him off and give him a stupid look… So I slow down and he is next to me… I look over and see the drivers sitting funny in the seat… kinda like he’s trying to stand up but seat belted in.. and has a fucking goofy look on his face… a goofy look all men know… (here is a pretty good rendering of the dude and his expression…)

then i noticed the blond ball of hair in his lap that would crown like a sun rise from his crotch then decide… “no not dawn yet… back down”… AHHH This all makes sense now… Road Head… So not to be weird i go back to paying attention to my driving then watch this dude as he almost drives into the back of a semi truck… swerves a little then is back to next to me… I look over as his lady friend pop’s up and when she does is looking straight at ME!!! open mouth, drool and everything…

I can see the blood rush to her face… and then she bury’s her head in her mans arm and hides as he looks left at me with a huge dumb fucking grin…
We lock eyes, and I just did what any guy could do… Thumbs up!!! then give him a nod and yell “Alright buddy!!!!!” then hit the gas and off I went… I have to give kudos to the random dude and his old lady… I’m glad to know people are still getting road head because that’s one thing that makes this country great and people don’t think about with rising gas prices…

It’s also way easier to forgive a jackass who’s driving like a drunken parkinson’s patient, when you know it’s cuz he’s getting some… hell if the dude hit me and I found out he’s getting blown, I’m pretty sure I’m legally required to high 5 him…

So we go our own ways… I get to visit my friends… eat some bad chinese which is still giving me gas… drive home and then chill with a friend watching movies all night and glad that I wasn’t killed… cuz if I’m gonna get killed it better be cuz i’m getting some in a car…

So I was reading a news article that kinda made me laugh… If I wasn’t already confused on what is what in regards to race… Apparently if your asian and living in S. Africa, your now BLACK… Awesome…

If you haven’t heard about this yet… I think it’s pretty awesome….

We know the Chinese make everything… and by everything I mean everything… Even Free Tibet Flags!!! That’s about as awesome as if Nazi Germany was making dreidals.

BBC NEWS | Asia-Pacific | Free Tibet flags made in China

So I was online applying for jobs and shit… I never really noticed when it gets to the part about race and gender that most of the things have explanations… My first reaction was the typical “if you have to explain to someone what race they are you probably don’t wanna hire them”. However, I’m trying to be a little more sensitive before I jump to conclusions… So I read this section:

Now the majority of the stuff on here is standard… but the first thing that caught my eye… Middle Eastern is now tossed in with White. Now before you go “no, he didn’t… ” I’m just saying is this new or has this always been like that? Cuz if so then I suppose this solves the White Jesus question, or is “the man” trying to dupe us and adding Middle Eastern to White so they can win the debate? Personally I don’t care about Jesus or the color of his hide before they beat his ass… but a lot of other people do… Also If I was middle eastern I think I’d be a little pissed cuz I’d have a pretty sweet tan, and wouldn’t want to be associated with the pasty ass crackers who are bombing the shit out of me… Least thats my opinion if I woke up middle eastern… I suppose it’s racist to think I’d be tan too… but it’s my dream… so fuck off…

(Also had someone gotten this to little Hitler back in the late 30’s early 40’s we may have be able to avoid some of the nastiness from WW2 cuz nobody told him… N.African’s, and people of European decent are WHITE… )

I think we should do away with the whole race thing anyways because there really isn’t any point… We’re all gonna be mutts and thats fine with me… and most people… and I take back the comment about if you need an explanation… cuz ya apparently you do because depending on what your trying to apply for you might be white, you might not… You might be black you might be Hispanic, Latino, or Latin/American or god knows what…

Least my grandmother can rest assured that the picture she had of buddy christ is probably more accurate according to the race chart, then black Jesus… even though they’re both wrong and he probably looked more like your average guy from Israel…

So I was driving to a meeting and realized I had coffee breath… While some people don’t care about such things, I’m pretty self concious most the time about it… I usually have gum on me or close bye… This was the case, so I reached for my pack of gum. The name escapes me but it was the kind that looks like ice cubes. Then as I reached for it I remembered something my friend Jim said the other day…

*flashback to the day before*

I was moving stuff off the passenger seat so Jim could sit down and before I could grab my pack of gum, Jim sat down… He sat right on my pack of gum… Pretty sure it was wedged right in the crack of his ass too… I looked at him in horror and said… “dude, you sat on my gum!” He looks at me and said “Well, I haven’t farted yet, and besides there are multiple layers of fabrics between my ass and your gum”

I thought about it for a second… I mean really, gums in peoples pockets and pockets are close to peoples junk, or asses, right… So I was about to agree, when Jim looks at me with a shit eating grin says “oh, you’ll eat that gum… you’ll be eating my ass… EAT IT BITCH”…

*flash forward to the present*

So there I am in the car… coffee breath and all… looking at my sad crushed pack of gum… and I couldn’t bring myself to eat a piece… I ended up having to buy more gum… Damn it Jim… Damn it and your ass gum…

As if any one in Red Sox nation needed another reason to make fun of the NY Yankees this story comes out…

Jason Giambi and his magic gold thong

Apparently they’re taking the Bull Durham approach to baseball and getting in touch with there feminine sides…

Long ago my pops said something to me that has become a mantra in my life… ” don’t do anything you’d be ashamed to tell me ” Well I try to live my life that way… I hope the amazingly dumb things i do sometimes are so dumb they’re then awesome… Another thing he said when I was just a lad… Get a tattoo and I’ll cut it off ya… well when I was like 17 I got a tattoo… he didn’t kill me, obviously because I’m rambling now… perhaps he should have… we’ll never know. Like many parents tattoos are a touchy subject. My father doesn’t have any tattoos. So I think when I have kids I will pass on a greater message… Not don’t get tattoos or else, but … “Kid… it’s fucking permanent so make sure it’s really fucking cool… ” Maybe had I had that lesson I wouldn’t have gotten a tribal band on my arm… Well after about 14 years or whatever of having this thing on my arm… I started the process of redemption…

I’m getting the tribal covered up… with a big ass tattoo… For those who heard I was trading my unused and neglected Nintendo Wii… I made my choice… Tattoo work. It beat out 2 Ford Rangers, 1 gas powered remote control Helicopter, 3 different fooseball tables, and a hand full of different guitars… Andy over at Off the Map who is a really chill dude and a very good artist agree’d to do some ink and help me fix the shame that has been overshadowing me for years… I will be able to bare my right arm proudly and not keep it covered like a leper…

When it is done I will be showing pics of it… til then if you see me I’ll show it to ya…

So Wednesday I went out and tied one on… Why I don’t know… but apparently I had a plan and it was to get shitfaced… Unlike the war on terror or Iraq or whatever the fuck were suppose to be at war for now… I got this mission accomplished quickly and with zero casualties… I’m not sure If I paid the tab or charged it to the American people? Hmm should find this out…

In any case… Typically when a guy gets loaded and is at a bar there are only a few things that typically happen…

A) make an ass out of yourself and go home alone
B) make an ass out of yourself and go home with someone and wake up wishing to god or satan or the flying spaghetti monster that you can make the person who is in your bed go away…
C) make an ass out of yourself and go home with someone and they look at you like “oh shit, wtf did I do… I don’t know but you might have herpies or something…”
D) make an ass out of yourself and try and drive home and get in trouble…

Well folks I found an E) and it’s probably one of the coolest things to happen in resent history… I got completely hammered… I drank like a Kennedy, and probably would have driven like one too… but Matty Rist hooked a brother up and drove my drunken ass home…

While that’s not all that cool… what is… I woke up with not a number in my pocket but this (click on pic to see the whole thing):

I was woke up with phone call and met up with my peeps… mind you I woke up at 7am still drunk… My friend Zoe locked the keys in her car while it was running and shit too… hilarity followed as we tried to break into her car as a local high school softball team watched… I tried to play but they wouldn’t let me on the team… boo

So we all piled in a party van and drove to Fenway… My buzz was wearing off so luckily we got into the beer line quick and to our seats… We lost the game to the Angels but it was fun… The best part was my friends crazy signs… here are 2 of my favorites…

I’m not sure what the dirty ramirez is… but sounds horrifying…. or awesome….

The festivities then pour’d out to Tequila Rain, Jillians, then the Sunset Cantina… Then home… all and all a good day… with NO HANGOVER!!! apparently drinking and Fenway and eating 2 hot dogs will cure what ails you… I highly suggest it…

GO SOX!!!

ps don’t tell my boss… I said I was sick…